And One and Two, Three and Four...

Why should you do writing exercises?

What a silly question to ask. Writing is not easy, and most of you who read this blog know that (and are probably giving me a chorus of 'amens'). But really, no one wants to get out of shape. Not football players, not actors, and no, not writers.

Do I exercise as much as I should? No. Certainly not. But this is one of those don't do what I do, do what I say kind of moments. Stephen King comments in his book On Writing that a writer should read/write between 4-6 hours every day. Well, that's fantastic if your Stephen King and can afford to do that.

I doubt anyone of Stephen King's caliber is reading this blog. So that's unrealistic for most of us almost-starving-artists.

Instead (do what Delia Sherman told me) and do 20 minutes every day.

Yes. Every. Day.

"But I don't have any exercises to do," some of you (like the me before this blog) may whine.

NEVER FEAR! I have some that I will gladly share!

(1) Describe the room you're sitting in as you would experience it when...

• you just got in a fight with someone who is really important to you
• you knew it was haunted
• you'd just fallen in love
• like you knew you were going to die

Okay. So, pen, paper, timer. Set it to 20 minutes and...
GO!

Book Preview

Here is a video clip for a book I've seen on the shelves at Barnes and Nobel;

"Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children" by Ransom Riggs

 I haven't had a chance to buy it, but it looks really good. And really creepy. Below is the link to the video... I can't wait to read it.

Watch Me!

*Evil Laughter*

I turned in my critical paper. YES!

And sadly, to quote Charlie Sheen... "Winning!" Ugh. I hate myself a little bit for even typing that. Blech. I need to clean my keyboard off now.

Back to the point. Paper = done. Ha! I almost don't even care what grade I get on it. I'm just epically glad that its done.

And yet... And yet it's not my favorite paper so I don't feel the same satisfaction. It's like, sure this is a good paper but it's nothing that I'll pick up again and expand upon. Which is a bit of a bummer because I did learn a lot. So it goes.

And also, the term here is coming to a close, but I'm not all that relieved. I guess it's because it's not like I'll be getting a big break. I'll be doing two online classes this fall (both creative) and then a directed study in the spring.

So, the point of this post. There is none. Just that, no matter how much I complain about writing critical papers. I can do them. And I think I kind-a kick ass at them on a certain level. No. I'm not the next big literary critic, and I don't want to be. But I think that I'm pretty awesome at (and I think this applies for all creative writers that write critical stuff) making the critical approachable and being able to use some nice descriptive verbs and whatnot that make the paper more fun to read.

Suck it vampires (the doubtful kind... see previous post)
Suck it.

Die Vampire, Die!

So... my blogger buddy shared this song with me. It's on iTunes, so you can totally listen to a sample and then download it like I did. But, here are the lyrics... (Fair warning: there is some profanity)

Die Vampire, Die!


Susan:
There are some people in the world who say that writing stories,
or composing music or dancing sparkly dances is easy for them.
Nothing interferes with their ability to create.
While I celebrate their creative freedom,
a little part of me just wants to punch those motherfuckers in the teeth.
This song, I sing this song for you guys and for all the rest of us. Help me out y’all

Backup:
We’ll sing backup

Susan:
You have a story to tell, a novel you keep in a drawer.

Backup:
Old sock drawer!

Susan:
You have a painting to paint, but you lazy like an old French whore

Backup:
Je suis whore

Susan:
You have a movie to make, Shrinky Dinks you can bake
but you best grab a stake, cause,
in sweep the vampires, in creep the vampires, knee deep in vampires,
Filling you with doubt. Insecurity, ‘bout what you art should be
in sweep the vampires

All:
Die vampire

Susan:
You sketched that turtle you saw in an ad on late-night cable TV

Backup:
Tippy Turtle!

Susan:
But your fourth grade teacher said

Female Backup:
You can’t draw

Susan:
Aww, those vampires just won’t let you be

Backup:
Fuck you Ms. Johnson, Word!

Susan:
And when they come run like hell, see those bats in your belfry, then call on Van Helsing.

Susan:
In swoosh

Backup:
Ooh, the vampires

Susan:
in a whoosh

Backup:
ooh, the vampires,

Susan:
Babaganoosh

Backup:
ooh, all the vampires

Susan:
Filling you with thoughts of

Backup:
Self consciousness

Susan:
Feelings of

Backup:
Worthlessness

Susan:
They’ll make you

Backup:
Second guess
Die vam-

All:
-pire!
There are so many vampires, inside, outside, and nationwide,
it helps to recognize them with this vampire hunting guide!
Listen closely,
a vampire is any person or thought or feeling
that stands between you and your creative self expression,
but they can assume many seductive forms.
Here’s a few of them!

Backup:
Tell us Susan!

Susan:
First up are you pigmy vampires.
They’ll swarm around you head like gnats and say things like:

Male Backup:
Your teeth need whitening

Female Backup:
You went to state school?

Male Backup:
You sound weird

All:
Shakespeare, Sondheim, Sedaris

Susan:
Did it before you and better than you, or they might say that you cannot
sing good enough to be in a musical, or they might say:

Backup:
Ooh, your song’s derivative,
Ooh, your song’s derivative,
Ooh, your song’s derivative,

Susan:
To keep that song from you! Just tell them:

Backup:
Die vampire, die!

Susan:
Brothers and sisters, next up is the air freshener vampire,
she might look like you mama, or your old fat-ass, fat aunt Fanny.
She smells something unpleasant in what you’re creating.
She’ll urge you to:

Backup:
(Spraying sound)

Susan:
It with some pine fresh smell ’em ups.
The air freshener vampire doesn’t want you to write about

Backup:
bad language, blood, or blow jobs

Susan:
She wants you to clean it up and clean it out.
Which will leave your work toothless, gutless, and crotchless
but, you’ll be left with two tight paragraphs,
All kittens that your grandma would be so proud of.
You look at that air freshener vampire in her fat ass, fat old fuckin’ face and you say

All:
(Chanting)

Susan:
The last vampire is the mother of all vampires and that is the vampire of despair.
It’ll wake you up at 4am to say things like:

Backup:
Who do you think you’re kidding?
You look like a fool.
No matter how hard you try, you’ll never be good enough

Susan:
Why is it that if some dude walked up to me on the subway platform
and said these things, I’d think he was a mentally ill asshole,
but if the vampire inside my head says it,
It’s the voice of reason.

Backup:
You have a story to tell, pull your novel out of that sock drawer!
You have a painting to paint, you best paint it and then paint some more!

Susan:
Oh baby, you must escape and grab it by the nape of its neck, by the trachea
fuckin’ break it, go on drive a stake in,
Yeah there’s no mistaking, now you’re shake and bakin’

All:
Die, vampire
I said, “Die, vampire”
I said, “Now die vam-pi-re, die!”

All:
In fly the vampires, oh my the vampires, then die the vampires,
filling you with life, creativity, all that you heart should be, out go the vampires
Die vampire, die vampire, die vampire, die!

Reflections...

So my blogger buddy over at Hughes Views on YA Literature has a post looking at what she's learned this summer being in the MFA program... I thought that was a pretty awesome idea and wanted to copy her.

1. Being a fan of a writer is not stalking. It's being normal. If you say, "Oh no I promise I'm not stalking you" you become a stalker. So yeah, following your favorite author on twitter and their blog... Totally fine. Knowing what time they do their laundry and what kind of soap...now that's stalking.
2. Yes, there are gatekeepers for the publishing world: they are called Agents. But even if you find one that means nothing. They can give you the key, but that doesn't mean it'll fit the lock right away.
3. As a writer you should be confidant but humble. The whole publishing world is a house of cards, without the writer is falls apart. So, be proud and don't let the editors scare you.
4. You can become addicted to caffeine 
5. Here's something I knew but was reminded of it... There is no such thing as a perfect draft. You can work your butt off to get close to one, but nope. No perfect stories. And that's kind-of awesome.
6. I don't write long short stories. I like to focus on key scene(s) and stick there. I just do not do well with my characters walking all over the place in one story. I like them where I can keep my eye on them.
7. There are parts of my personality that aren't strong parts, but ones I can tap into for characters. I found this out when I wrote a short story about a girl who is pretty much a succubus: She uses her sexyness to pull in a guy so she can pretty much just own him. It's written in first person. That's not me. 
8. I really am addicted to books.
9. My writing is clear.
10. And I have characters that are pretty awesome. They have clear dialogue and seem very real sometimes (and other times not...working on that part)

Some housekeeping business... The blog now has a twitter account. Why? Well, mostly I have it so I can follow some of my favorite authors (Holly Black, Maureen Johnson, John Green, and Neil Gaiman) but heck, if you read the blog you might enjoy the twitter as well. So, check it out and follow it!

Why I Love Castle (Part 1)

Yes, this is at least a two part post. 'Why?' you may ask. Because I don't have time to delve into all of the reasons why I love the TV show... but I will give you a snippet. And yes, I think all you literary people out there will appreciate it.

I have to paint a picture for you since I can't find one...
Castle and Detective Beckett walk into a therapist's office to look at the murder scene. The body is sprawled out on the couch and Dr. Parish (the medical examiner) is taking notes on the body. The body has been shot a few times; however, what really makes this body different is what is written on the face...

Dr. Parish: Looks like a patient lost his patience.
Castle: Also his command of grammar. You're should be you-'-re as in you are, that's not even a tough one not like when to use who or whom.
Beckett: Do you really think that's the take away here Castle?
Castle: I'm just saying whoever killed her also murdered the English language.
 
Bam! And that is why I love Castle. Well, one reason. Yes. It's a dead body...but he's totally right. Come on.. this plays back to my earlier post about the hamburger place I boycot at home. It really isn't that difficult of a distinction. Your and you're... please

An Artistic Rendition of the Life of a Grad Student

Because being a grad student (of any flavor) is all a balancing act....